Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Goals Revisited

We're back on track today with new goals in hand!

I talked to the diabetes specialist yesterday. I asked her about healthy weight for someone of my height and build. The last time someone ever told me an ideal weight for me was probably more than ten years ago and I think I remember the number being 180. I could have just made that up.

Thelma said that to get under 200 would be a good goal but that 180 would be harder for me to maintain. So, that's the new goal: 195. It's only 15 pounds less than my original and I plan to reassess once I reach that goal. I don't want anyone to think that because I didn't lose weight last week that I'm trying to make it easier for myself. I'm trying to make it easier for myself just by making it more realistic for myself as well. It's not really even about the numbers. I haven't been under 200  pounds since probably junior high. The number feels good. But it's about being healthy. If it's a goal that I can maintain then I have a higher chance of being healthy.

I would have to get down to 179 to be at the very top of the normal BMI range. Even 180 would put me in the overweight category. But I'm ok with that. Maybe that can be stage two?

Right now, I'm on 4 different medications including insulin. Let's work on getting off those for now?

I feel like now that I have the support and the love from you guys, it's time to start making you proud. A friend sent me this quote, "Don't sacrifice what you want the most for what you want this moment". It's my new mantra. I'm looking to the farther goal past what's going to try and sink me. It's not about weighing in every Tuesday and publishing my number and feeling either really good or really bad. That's somewhat the point but I'm looking past it to a new life. Will a new life include a cookie every now and then? You bet. But first, I have to learn to live without so that it's not something I feel entitled to. 

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Weigh In #2 (and a dr. visit to boot!)

Weigh In #2 - I didn't lose any weight this week.

But NEVER FEAR! I know why and I'm recommitted.

Do you know the fastest way to get rid of temptations that seem to be hanging around? Eat them! My brain thought, for real, If I eat this Snickers now, then it won't be a temptation later....What the heck?

Who thinks like that? Well apparently this one does. But the disappointment I feel in myself is enough. I may be down but I'm not out. My logical thinking was that if i lost six pounds in week one then I could fudge a little bit and I would still lose weight. That fudging led to a whole bag of chips and a thing of salsa, a piece of cake, chicken tenders, half the rest of my Easter candy, a king sized snickers....WRONG-O!

That felt good to get out :)

In other news, I met with Thelma at the diabetes management clinic today. She the only person who ever made me feel like diabetes wasn't my fault but that I still had to get it under control. She told me that my A1C was 12.1...their chart only goes to 12...HA! It should be a 6.

She adjusted some of my meds which I'm oddly excited about. A bigger dose of metformin might help me curve my appetite more.

I might be changing my weight loss goal. More to come on that one.

This week....exercise...

Friday, May 10, 2013


Mac N've failed me again. I thought I would give it another try today for lunch. I even added a little Tony's. It's the one meal that makes me mad. I think, really? Did anybody TRY and eat this before they packaged it up and sent it to hungry dieters?

I've learned a trick though. Every time I get hungry, I go and look at my next order and think about all the good new foods I'm going to get next time. Is that demented?

I'm worried about this week. I'm trying really hard to stay on task. It's harder now that I'm not doing anything at work to stay on menu.

All I want to do today is get back in bed and go to sleep. I woke up this morning at 4am to the apocalypse going on outside my window.

This weekend is going to be challenging. I'm going to New Orleans tomorrow for a play. Then Sunday is Mother's Day....

We'll see. I'm trying to go in strong.

I'm sorry this post is a little's the weather.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Goals Set...GO!

Week two has commenced.

There was a sad moment yesterday. I got really excited because I scanned over something that said that in week two that I could add fruit....Well turns out I was reading the transition section. That happens AFTER I lose 65 pounds. O, I was so sad. I literally had a moment in my office.

In other news, I've decided what my goals and rewards are going to be :)

10 - Vera Bradley or Fossil wallet
20 - New Jewelery Set
30 - New Bathing Suit
45 - A New BIKE!
50 - A Photoshoot
65 - A New iPad

Here we go. I had a birthday celebration yesterday at work. I ate cake.

In other news, the king sized snicker that a student gave me last week still sits on my desk.

Tonight, I'm trying ground turkey. I'm kind of excited!

In other news, I got a really cool book with Marian prayers and the rosary with the clauses! New goal: Sit in the chapel a half hour each day and pray.

Exercise the body, exercise the soul.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Weigh In #1

A week later...It's certainly gotten easier. I can function in the real world better than I thought. I still hesitate thinking that I can do this for months at a time but this week is over with and I look forward to the next.

I had a serious Cane's craving on Friday. It was bad, I was jonesin'. But alas, I resisted.

Today was the day. I've waited for all week. I've been working hard and hardly working. I ate out once in the last week. That's huge when I usually eat out every day.

So, they said that the first two weeks you should lose between 4-5 pounds...I LOST 6 POUNDS THIS WEEK! 

WHAT'S UP!! I'm pretty stoked! I'm more than halfway to my first goal of ten pounds! The journey continues. I feel great about myself. I'm learning things about my health. My head is less foggy than it's ever been. Welcome to the new me. And she's hot...

Old Weight: 244
New Weight: 238

Sunday, May 5, 2013

We are coming up on a week. I feel like a million bucks! The last two days have been relatively easy going. Friday was an easy day. I'm just continuing to find clarity. These moments of lucidness come to me during the day. I realize, hey, I've never known what it's like to be this alert and aware. Having diabetes, you don't realize how much it effects your brain. It's like your whole body is full of syrup and you can't move, you can't focus. When you start to clear that up, it's like a whole new world of possibilities is there in front of your face.

I sound like a walking cliche. Dumb.

Last night I may have put a kink in my progress. I knew yesterday was going to hard. There was a youth event called MP3 that I was singing for. I knew it would be a long day as well. I showed up at 11:45 and the event lasted until 10pm. I was really good all day. Then dinner came. Hotdogs. I had two. One without the bun though. Then I had two bags of chips. One of them sunchips though!

Then when all the work was done, the whole lot of us went out to Chimes. It gets worse. I got a chicken club with sweet potato fries...and I ate it all.

The weird thing about it is that I thought when I ate all that that choirs of angels would come down and it would be like I had been out in the desert for 5 days without water and a water truck pulls up. It was good, don't get me wrong. But it certainly was not earth shattering. Hmm....

The second part of this whole thing is the education part. I started reading today and it was very interesting how when man was first created, we foraged for food and we ate what we could when it was in front of us. Fast forward to today...our bodies are conditioned to eat that way. I knew it! I was talking to someone about that the other day. I eat like it's not going to be there tomorrow and I don't know what I picked that habit up from. Now I do!

Today was the first day that I was home all day by myself. There was a lot of clock watching.

Weigh in Tuesday morning. I just edited my next order. I'll be trying some new things :) I'm working on setting some short term goals and rewards. If you have any suggestions let me know!

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Day 3 is in the books. It was the first of the three where I didn't cheat at all. The last two days I've had a few things I shouldn't. Today was the seniors last day and the Dad's club cooked hamburgers...right outside my office...But I was strong! I thought about just having a burger without the bun. I'm afraid if I have my one lean and green meal during the day that I won't make it through the night. So for now, I resist until I can cook.

I had the sloppy joe medifast meal...not bad, not bad at all! Parmesan cheese puffs were not my favorite though. I'm already formulating what my next meals are going to be. I foresee a lot of pudding and shakes :) The bars aren't turning out so bad though.

I feel like my body is in bipolar mode. One minute I feel like I can run around the block and that I could eat like this forever. This afternoon before dinner I wanted to punch somebody. I was so angry and I was this close to throwing in the towel for real. I either feel really good or really bad but I'm hoping that will change pretty soon, as people are saying it will.

Three days since I've had a real coke. Three days since I've had fast food. Three days since I've had fruit or rice or pasta. That's a really big deal in the Kathleen spectrum.

In other news, I found a new prayer. I was in Catholic Arts and Gifts today and I kept gravitating towards this one Padre Pio Chaplet. I thought, well, why the heck not. So I got it and I prayed it this afternoon. It's so awesome! Padre Pio prayed it every day for those people he said he would pray for. I'm hoping that when I'm hungry or when I get hangry that I can stop and pray it and offer whatever up for whoever. 

I've always known that this journey has to be paired with prayer. It's going to be hard though because that's the one thing that I've been struggling with is my prayer life. I'm still at a loss for words as to why God pulls me through crap and the one thing I need the most I just don't have a grasp on. All things will come in time. Persevere.

Keep your head up, keep your head strong.